Its Valentines day! I love any special celebration and although many would say it’s just commercial hype, I like to think that if it creates an environment where we think about, talk about and express LOVE, then it cant be all bad. Over the last few weeks, I have noticed that much of what my clients bring to the coaching conversation is about self love and self confidence. No matter how contained we feel there will always be something or someone just around the corner bringing us down to earth with a THUD leaving us with an experience of emotional ‘speed wobbles’!
I had a recent experience, which reminded me just how frail our hold on Self confidence can be. I dabble in creative art – painting with mixed media and focusing on abstract and colour. I enrolled in an eight week art class on painting and drawing. I was told to bring along something that I had painted or was working on. When I arrived, the other participants were working away on their different projects and the art teacher was busy with another participant. So I put my painting up on the Eisel and inwardly admired it…as I had come a long way with my ‘dabbling’ in the last ten years. Well I thought so anyway! The teacher came along and looked at the painting, then looked at me and said anyone who paints abstract just does it because they cant draw!! I was crushed and vulnerable. In fact I nearly walked out! She then presented me with a pencil and 2 items and asked me to draw them… horrors as I cant draw!. Although my ego was shattered, I did stay and the teacher did warm up and I learnt heaps. However, I was struck by how easily I was effected by her ‘judgement’ and reminded that it is our self love that pulls us through on these occasions. If we have a tenuous hold on self love then we have a tenuous hold on self confidence.
I reflected on Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements – a self-help agreement that builds self love and resilience. I have used these agreements many times to remind me of the building blocks to maintain Self Love. This is my Valentines gift to you!
The First Agreement
Be Impeccable with Your Word – the word is so powerful that one word can change a life or destroy the lives of millions of people. The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life. The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic – so make good magic!!
The Second Agreement
Don’t Take Anything Personally – whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. If someone gives you an opinion and says “hey you look bad” – don’t take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs and opinions. That person trys to send that message to you and if you take it personally their opinion becomes yours! You have a choice – only accept good magic!!
The Third Agreement
Don’t Make Assumptions – we have a tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. Whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing – so don’t make assumptions and attract good magic!!
The Fourth Agreement
Always Do Your Best – this last agreement is the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits – it is about action of the first three. Keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good. Your best will be different depending on how you are feeling, stay healthy in mind and body – be good magic!!
Working your way through these processes takes courage! Be kind to yourself and feel free to contact Patti, if you would like a Coach to partner you on this journey. (Patti offers a no obligation 30minute FREE phone coaching session to get you started).
About Patti Gwynne
